Let’s get real for a minute… it’s not always easy to have real, grown up conversations about sex. You want to have an amazing sexual relationship with your partner with open communication, but not everyone is able to just sit down and chat about sex, even with the person who shares their bed. Even if your partner is doing pretty well in that department, we all can use a helping hand. After all, your partner isn’t a mind reader. They won’t know what you like unless you make it clear. They might need a little tweak to take them from good to OH-MY-GOD-AMAZING… or they might need a decent amount of help. How do you tell your partner what you like in the right way? Are you concerned you might hurt their feelings? Or get totally embarrassed? Talking about sex can be complicated for a lot of people, but it’s so important, so let’s get right down to business.
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Let them know when they’re getting it right - Don’t be shy when they’re doing something you love. If you like it, let them know! Moaning and thrusting/moving your body is one way to get the point across, but it will be even more effective if you can TELL them that you like it. Even something as simple as, “oh, I love it when you do that,” or “don’t stop” is really effective. Even a “YES!!!” will make it crystal clear. Get creative with it, but make sure there is no doubt for your partner what you like about their performance.
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Lend them a hand - A great way to show your partner what you like is by guiding them to the right spot. You don’t have to say too much (unless you want to!), but move their hand to the right spot or help them move it in the right way. Then give them a lot of encouragement!
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Call for backup - Adding a sex toy to your sexual relationship can be a lot of fun and can really be a game changer for a lot of people. So, how do you bring it up to your partner? Well, one way is to just outright tell them that you want to try using toys together. But if you’re not feeling too brave you could always conveniently leave your favorite toy out or send them the link to something you want to try. You will definitely catch their attention that way!
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Start with the positive - If your partner is doing something you don’t like, it can be especially hard to bring it up. When giving feedback, it’s always best to start with what they are doing really well. “I love it when you do XYZ…” When they start doing something you don’t like, be kind, but honest. “I love doing XYZ with you, but I like it better like this.” “That hurts/tickles/is uncomfortable... I love it when you do it like this.” “This is the way I like it (moves hand/body part)... you’re soooo good at that.” If they are doing something that you are not OK with, there’s no room for beating around the bush (no pun intended), you have to just be honest and direct. Sex should be fun and 100% consensual.
- Sit down and just be frank - The very best way to tell your partner what you like is to just be direct and have a conversation about it. Want to try something new? Tell them! Want to change it up? Suggest it! Your partner won’t know what you want if you don’t tell them. Most of the time our sexual partners WANT to please us and they’re just guessing and hoping for the best. If you can open up and be real about what you like and what you don’t like, you’ll be having incredible sex in no time!