Unpopular opinion: Great sex isn’t purely based on performance.
Let’s face it.
There was a time when we were all young and wanted to sexually please our partners in any way possible.
We all want to achieve certain goals when having sex to make it appear that we’re fun and worth the time. (Don’t raise an eyebrow or come at me! You know you’ve been there, too! LOL)
In fact, that kind of sex can detract from the pleasure that we experience and share with our partners.
Does this sound familiar?
1. You are very self-conscious about how your partner sees you physically.
There’s nothing wrong about wanting to look sexy.
But looking sexy ONLY for your partner when you’re uncomfortable is not exactly good.
2. You’re always learning a new position your partner likes.
At some point you’ll run out of ideas.
Now you’re pressured to research new positions that will “wow” your partner.
3. You focus on turning them on and not on what turns you on.
Your ultimate goal is to be viewed as your partner’s “best sex ever”.
4. You fake orgasms.
Most of us have been there. And it’s not exactly a good place but it boosts our partner’s confidence and ego.
If you answered “Yes” it might be time to make a shift.
Here are some tips on how we can shift our focus from performance to pleasure:
1. Be open with what you like and what you need.
Sex, pretty much like a conversation, is a two-way street.
It’s important that your partner also knows and listens to what you want and what you need.
2. Decide on what sex include.
Whether that’s penetration or clitoral stimulation etc., take the time to talk about it with your partner.
Always remember it must be something that YOU TOO like.
3. Discuss boundaries.
It’s super important that you and your partner discuss and agree on things that make you uncomfortable.
Whether that’s trying a certain position or using an accessory. The important thing is that you’re both comfortable.
Performance-based sex often lead to frustration and anxiety. Instead, focus on the pleasures of the moment, not just your partner’s but yours, too as this will lead to deepening your connection.