How do we define women’s pleasure here at The Bigger O? It’s simple. We DON’T. Women are different. We like different things. We are attracted to different bodies, different personalities, different experiences. There isn’t a one size fits all answer to a woman’s sexuality. It’s varied. It’s exciting. It’s uniquely ours. So, why do so many women still feel limited by the definitions of women’s pleasure? We have come a long way, yet we have a long way to go.
The pressure of the orgasm
Sexuality has long been defined by the male experience. The first model of the sexual response cycle included four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasmic, and resolution. Years later women began questioning this model. Not every woman has an orgasm, does that mean she didn’t have a sexual response? (Answer: Of course not!). Some women can have multiple orgasms with no need for a resolution period. And finally, not every woman starts a sexual experience with excitement or arousal. Some of us in long-term relationships can attest to the fact that sometimes we just decide to be sexual with another person. The arousal part kicks in later. This 1966 sexual response model was clearly made with a man in mind.
Let’s begin with the orgasm. The experience of an orgasm for women is as varied as women are themselves. In a Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy study from 2017, we learned that 37% of American women preferred clitoral stimulation during sex, while 18% preferred vaginal stimulation. Nine percent don’t have an orgasm through penetrative sex but can come from other forms of stimulation (like oral sex). Another survey found that 10-15% of women have never had an orgasm at all. Then others have had them from touching other body parts, like lips, nipples, the neck, or the ears. Just looking at the orgasm alone, we can see that a woman’s sexuality is extremely varied.
So, let’s forget about the orgasm for a moment. The Bigger O is not about finding the biggest orgasm (although, if you accomplish that, we won’t be mad at you!). We know that women enjoy a wide range of things, and not every woman is hyper-focused on an orgasm. The Bigger O is about going beyond the orgasm. It’s about pleasure. It’s about finding that perfect pleasurable moment just for YOU, in whatever way feels good for you.
We are all about exploration
Unfortunately, there is still a lot of pressure out there to achieve an orgasm. There is a belief that if you don’t come, it wasn’t “good,” your partner didn’t do a good enough job, or even worse, there is something wrong with you. Wrong. Wrong. And wrong. Over the years, women have felt pressured to fake it. Maybe it was to console a sensitive partner who took offense to her not coming. Maybe it was to appear “normal.” We believe that we get to define our own sexual experience. We decide what feels good. We know what we like. Or if we don’t, we are here to figure it out. One experience at a time. Without pressure. Always with pleasure.
Welcome to The Bigger O. How are we redefining women’s pleasure? By not defining it all.